GREAT BEAR 3/3


Author:  
Feedback: Yes please!
Email:  
Web Page: http://www.squidge.org/~surrealarts/Annex.html 
Category:  Slash, Langly/Byers 
Rating:   NC/17
Spoilers:  minor for Maximum Byers and First Person Shooter
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc
Archive:   Lone Slasher, Basement, WWOMB, Gossamer, 
Ephemeral;  anywhere else, just ask
Summary:  Post-ep for Diagnosis Jimmy:  angst on the journey
back to Washington




But the next morning was the same as the one before. He hardly 
spoke except to say that he'd drive.  Another long day in the van 
and we hardly spoke.  The day was like a carbon copy of the one 
before.  We were driving through some of the most beautiful 
country in the world and I didn't notice any of it.  

Oh, he made it clear he wasn't mad at me or anything.  But it was 
like driving with a stranger.  He was POLITE to me, like we'd only 
just met.

Towards evening we stopped at a picnic area in the mountains.  
Just a clearing in the woods, a river valley with a stream running 
through, an open space with a few wooden picnic tables and chairs 
under the trees.  The sun was shining through the trees, shining 
on the water.  A beautiful place.  

We sat and ate the sandwiches we'd bought back down the road, 
sitting one each side of the table like strangers.  I looked 
across at him, dressed like I love to see him in jeans and a 
sweater, the sun dappling through the leaves on to his face and 
his hair.  He looked beautiful, except for the closed off remote 
look in his eyes.  I knew I had to try one last time.

"John, please, talk to me."

He looked at me, warily, like he was afraid of what I was going to 
say.  Then he nodded.

"Yeah . . . we should talk."

"John, are you gonna hear my side of all this? I've heard all 
about what YOU feel about it.  Don't you want to know what I 
think?"

"Go on."  

"Why do you always think it's all YOUR responsibility?  Mel and me 
and you, we've always acted as equals, haven't we?  We're a team, 
you've always said so.  So why are you taking it all on yourself?"  

He leaned across the table towards me, putting his hand on my 
forearm.  Time was he'd have taken my hand.

"It's because I love you, Ree, don't you see that?  I can't go on 
like this, putting you in danger all the time.  I'd never be able 
to forgive myself if anything happened to you.  I'd rather  . ."  
His voice trailed off as he choked up.

"What?  You'd rather do what?"

He pulled his hand away and turned sideways, staring away from me 
across the valley.  

"I've been thinking about it today, Ree.  I can either be your 
lover or your co-worker, but if we're going on doing this kind of 
stuff I can't . ."  His voice shook.

I suddenly realised what he meant.  My stomach turned over and I 
felt nauseous.  No, he couldn't mean that, he couldn't . .

"I can't be in a relationship with you.  It's too dangerous.  If 
anything happened to you  . ."  

I was so shocked I couldn't speak for a moment.  It was like he'd 
punched me in the face.  I felt dizzy and sick.

"You want to break up with me?  Because of this?  Because 
something just MIGHT happen to one of us, sometime?"  I was 
shouting now.  Yeah, I was angry.  How could he insult me like 
this, treat me like a kid, like I couldn't make up my own mind?  

He didn't say anything.

"You're acting like I didn't have any choice in the matter, like 
you're completely responsible for me and I can't decide for 
myself, like I was a child or something..."

I had to stop there because I was so choked up I couldn't go on.  
He had been gaping at me like a goldfish, but when I paused he 
stepped forward and took me by the shoulders.  

"Don't you understand Ree, it's because I love you so much, I 
can't risk anything happening to you -"

"No, you listen to me.  I chose to be here, John, because I love 
you and I want to be with you.  I want to be with you whatever you 
do, share the danger.  We're partners, I thought that was what it 
was all about.  So DON'T insult me by trying to take the 
responsibility away from me, because you can't.  What you're 
saying is bullshit, and I'm not gonna take it."

"But -"

"And what about MY feelings?  You talk about how you'd feel if 
anything happened to me, but did you think about how I feel?  How 
I felt the other day when Stukas had you?  What about when you 
went into the prison with Jimmy and got yourself beat up?  Or last 
year in LA when we got stuck in that fuckin stupid VR game and you 
got hit?  You could have been killed then.  How do you think I 
feel when that happens?"

I realised I was screaming at him and crying all at the same time.  
We stared at each other almost in panic.  How could we love each 
other and hurt each other so much at the same time?

Then he was there beside me and his arms were round me.  "Ree, I'm 
sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

I grabbed hold of him and clutched him tight.  "God, please John, 
don't do this to me."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry . ."

We found ourselves sitting side by side on the bench, arms round 
each other, holding tight, just holding each other.  He felt so 
good to hold.  

Eventually we sat up, kind of self-conscious and a bit 
embarrassed.  He kissed me, almost shyly.

"I've been an idiot, haven't I?"

"Yep."

He looked up at me, grinning.  "Guess I'm stuck with you, aren't 
I."

"Yep again."

"Um . . what do you say, Ree, we find a motel or something and . 
."

"Well there's always the van . ."

He looked at me intently.  "No . . . you know how I feel about the 
van.  And . . . I want to make love to you properly."

When he spoke those words it was like he lit a little fire deep 
down inside me.  Oh yes, I could wait for that.

===000===

It took us a while to find a motel, but eventually we found a nice 
little place, a complex of separate cabins scattered through the 
woods on the edge of a small town.  By the time we'd checked in 
and found our cabin, I was almost shaking with impatience and 
emotion and need for him.

We let ourselves in and grinned at each other to see the massive 
double bed. Couldn't be better!  John dumped his overnight bag on 
the floor and I checked my backpack, wondering if I had any 
condoms left.  At the bottom of the bag I found the gift-wrapped 
parcel I'd completely forgotten.  

"Hey, John!"

He poked his head out of the bathroom, where he'd gone to check it 
out.  He always does that, first thing.  Just one of the weird 
things about him I love.

"I've got a present for you."

He came over and took it curiously, turning the oddly shaped 
package over in his hands.  "What is it?"

"Open it and see."

He smiled up at me, such love an affection in his eyes that my 
heart turned over.  He ripped the paper off, growing more puzzled 
as he found the layers of bubble wrap underneath.  "What IS it?"

"Open it, doofus!"

He began to laugh as he wrestled with the wrapping.  "Oh, Ree, Ree 
. . " and broke off with a little sharp intake of breath as the 
wrapping fell away and my gift to him was exposed.

A wooden carving, all of six inches high, made of some kind of 
dark hard wood.  A carving of a bear.  A grizzly bear, proud and 
noble, his head raised and cocked slightly to one side as if 
sniffing the air, on all fours but with something in his stance 
that suggested he was about to rise to his full height. The Native 
American carver had caught the true spirit of the bear in his 
strength and beauty and untamed splendour.  

John held it in his cupped hands, staring at it for a long moment.  
"Ree, it's beautiful.  Where did you find it?"

"That little place in the mountains where we stopped for coffee 
yesterday."

He looked up at me, smiling in pure delight.  "It's beautiful" he 
repeated.  

I always get embarrassed when people thank me.  But I needed to 
try and explain to him.  "I wanted to give you a souvenir of this 
trip.  I thought .. you told us how you felt about the bears, 
because of Gentle Ben and all.  I .. I know how you feel.  It 
meant a lot to you, he was someone you loved.  I want you to know 
that you'll never be without someone to love, you'll always have 
me, as long as you want me.  I love you, John."

He turned and put the carving carefully on the bedside table, then 
stood up and held out his arms.  "Come here."

And he took my hand and pulled me over to the bed.  

We stood there, facing each other, kissing gently at first but in 
growing passion.  Our hands were soon everywhere, burrowing under 
clothes, my hands sliding up his back and pulling his sweater off 
over his head.  My hands caressing his shoulders, his chest - I 
love his chest! - while he undid the zipper of my jeans and slid 
his hand down my stomach, flat against my belly, rasping through 
the hair on my stomach.  This time it was so different from the 
last time, we were so gentle with each other, his little kisses 
all over my face, down my neck, while I ran my hands over the 
curve of his ass and pulled his hips to mine.  

After a while we were on the bed, still stripping each other's 
clothes off, but so slowly, we couldn't stop just kissing and 
caressing each other.  So gentle, so intense.  

Then we were totally naked together, our body heat so 
intoxicating, I felt I could come right there and then just from 
the feel of him.  I was half on top of him, one thigh across him 
pinning him down.  Still kissing him, I wanted to go on kissing 
his mouth, watching his face, for ever.  His eyes were shut, his 
mouth open as it always is when intense emotion overpowers him.

I stroked his face, whispering to him.  "John, I want you so much, 
love you so much-"  

His eyes fluttered open.  "Oh god, Ree, whatever you want.  Do 
whatever you want, I'm yours, I love you, forever, oh Ree  . ."

His face was so beautiful.  His eyes, so wide and dark with 
emotion.  I kissed him again.  "Want you in me."  I could feel he 
was so hard already and I wanted to feel him in me again.  

His hands gripped my shoulders, he barely breathed his answer 
"Yes."  He started to move but I pushed him back.  "Let me."

Before he could disagree I rolled on top of him completely, 
pinning him down.  I was going to be in control this time. I 
wanted to make it so good for him.  I rocked on top of him, taking 
my time, setting the pace.  He groaned and his hips jerked.  

I went on rocking, rocking, the heat from our hard cocks growing 
and spreading out till it felt my whole body was on fire. Then I 
pulled myself up, away from him and looked down on him for a 
second.  He was amazing, so ready, so vulnerable. 

I straddled him, fingering my own entrance for a second but it 
didn't take long.  I took his cock in one hand, squeezing it 
briefly to make him moan, then moved forward a little and lowered 
myself.  God, it felt wonderful!  No, it felt fuckin fantastic!  I 
impaled myself quickly, wanting to feel the pleasure and pain as 
he filled me.  

The pressure was wonderful, delicious sensation, his heat 
throbbing through me.  I pushed my hips down to get as much as I 
could of him.  He cried out softly.

I started to pump, raising myself and letting myself drop down at 
the end of each stroke.  Each time he filled me, his cock inside 
me jabbed at my pleasure centre, the sensation growing and 
mounting with each thrust.  I looked down at him, his flushed 
face, his head thrashing from side to side on the pillow.  He was 
long beyond the point of coherent speech.  Panting and moaning, 
totally helpless, his body was in control.  I picked up the tempo, 
feeling the orgasm mounting in me.  I leant forward so my own cock 
was trapped and squeezed between our bellies and closer to his 
face now, I could see the sweat trickling down his face, see his 
eyelids fluttering, his lips moving in incoherent mumbles.  So 
close  . .

His eyes opened and he looked me in the face, his pupils widely 
dilated with arousal.  "God, Ree, love you" he managed to choke 
out.  

I pressed closer to his face, took his mouth again in a long deep 
kiss.  One final push back against him, one more uncontrollable 
buck of his hips and one final thrust of his cock deep inside me, 
and I came with incredible force.  Him inside me, my tongue in his 
mouth, our bodies as close as it was possible to be, I felt myself 
melt into him and him into me.  Closer than we had ever been, 
bodies and souls joined as we had never been before.  Totally one, 
one being, one love.  

When it was all over I separated myself from him and lay down 
beside him as close as I could get.  I pulled the blanket over us 
both and cuddled up closer.  Together again at last.  Nothing, no-
one will ever keep us apart. I belong to him.  I know now I will 
belong to him for ever.  

I looked across him towards the window.  I could see faint stars 
shining in the sky.  The stars of the Great Bear, shining in the 
north.  

And on the nightstand, between us and the window, I could see the 
little figure of the bear.  Head raised, watchful, guarding.  

Guard us, little bear.  Watch over us through the night.  Watch 
over me and my love, tonight and always.  



END